Dressed as my supervisor’s feedback on my PhD thesis for Halloween because nothing is scarier than reality
😱😱😱
#phdlife #phdchat #phdmemes
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Guys, check out this cool trick I learned. Take your upper lip and make it touch your lower lip. Now keep them like that.
Lifeguard:
Me:
Lifeguard:
Me:
Lifeguard: I’ll say it again. We don’t handle people who are drowning financially.
When people write, “your dumb,” maybe it’s not a typo–they just mean stupidity belongs to you. “Here’s your dumb now leave.”
GEORGE WASHINGTON: We should put “We Trust In God” on our money
THOMAS JEFFERSON: Great idea. Did you get that?
YODA (taking notes): Yep
BOSS: I see you got the memo about not vaping in the men’s restroom?
ME: [vaping in the ladies restroom] I did.
Coworker: Pass your random drug test?
Me: With flying colors!
CW: Really?
Me. So many colors!
CW: You’re high right now aren’t you?
ohhhhh my GOD I just told the dog “hey we’ll go for a walk once the baby’s awake, okay?”
and she looked at me, ran upstairs, stuck her head in the nursery, and HOWLED
ME AT AGE 6: I am 6 and three-quarters as of tomorrow!
ME YESTERDAY: I am…I wanna say 32? Wait what year is it?
me: if i had a time machine i’d eat dinner again
friend: so go back for seconds?
me: no probably longer than that
If you are feeling tired, let someone see you rip the head off a stuffed animal and eat the stuffing, and then you will have lots of time to rest.
Our wifi is down and I had to fap using only my imagination like some kind of savage 🙁
I didn’t know my apartment shared a wall with the elevator shaft until someone got off in my bedroom.
*Looks out the window to see it raining fire and brimstone* “Oh man my car windows are down!”
My mother was, let’s just say, not perfect. She’d routinely leave my little sister and I in the van for hours while she gambled. And even though we were patched-in to the casino security cameras and feeding her info through an earpiece, she still managed to blow hand after hand.
me: *knows girls like nerds* I read a lot
date: what kind of books?
me: *knows girls also like jocks* heavy ones
Only 10 more days til Halloween!
me: more teeth
dentist: what
me: *recording video* no skimping now
It’s so foggy out right now that I feel like I should be telling someone about an ancient prophecy
[chopped]
Judge 1: this is disgusting
Judge 2: the chicken is raw
Judge 3: why are there froot loops
[the rat under my hat starts biting me]
Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.
“Don’t tread on me.”
– out-of-order sign on a treadmill
*Buys 15 feet of bubble wrap*
Cashier: “Are you moving?”
Me: “No, why?”
I used to get bullied online.
Until one day I walked up to the biggest computer in Best Buy and beat the shit out of it.
They were tryna put dude out the bar last night for dressing like Jeffery dahmer, but come to find out bruh just looked like that
date: probably losing a loved one. what about you, what’s your biggest fear?
me: driving into a wall that someone has painted to look like a tunnel
Not to jinx this, but last time there was a highly anticipated London wedding on TV, the groom said Rachel’s name instead.
gender reveal party:
-boring
-only 2 outcomes
-too much socializingfather reveal party:
-exciting
-many outcomes
-party may end early
Lol. If u can’t pass, atleast confuse the teacher 😆😅🙉
My child will plan a thousand activities for after school then come home and sit in her pants watching cartoons for hours instead so I guess the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree
Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.