I’m still waiting for the day my patents will say:
“It’s all fake son, we’re millionaires, this was just to teach you how to be humble.
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me as a child: I want dinosaur chicken nuggets
me as an adult: I want dinosaur chicken nuggets
me on my death bed: I want dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do all gothic horror stories have to be in ancestral family homes? I am too poor for generational hauntings.
Guys I don’t think the people who run the world are very good
Me: I wish I never had to go outside
Me after listening to 10 minutes of NPR: I bet I could milk a goat, for I am so knowledgeable in such things
I still can’t believe someone stole my neighbours wind chimes tomorrow morning
Yes, but you should see the other pea
~Black eyed pea probably
Jeff Bezos this morning:
“Alexa, end my marriage”
My sister FaceTimed me this morning and I answered hungover and obviously not looking the best and all she did was start laughing really hard at my face and then goes “ugh thank you I needed that!” then just hung up
I don’t have jealousy issues, but I do have “flirt with my boyfriend one more time and I may have to cut you” issues.
I think we all know that one person who seems to make it a daily goal to incorporate every color of the rainbow in their outfit.