@donni

It’s hard to stay mad at Kanye when you remember he once threatened to move to Oklahoma and live at his aunt’s house

You Might Also Like

@TheAlexNevil

12: Can I have $20?
Me: I think you mean borrow
12: I don’t think that’s what I mean

@tastefactory

*ring ring* Hello?
“If u want to see ur son again give me $500,000”
OH GOD PLEASE DONT HURT HIM
“I won’t if u-”
Haha gotcha, leave a message

@bewgtweets

[Interrogation]

Cop: this guy looks like a cop if you ask me

*intercom* you need to be on this side of the mirror, Carl

@_kayditty

Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.

@FloodyHippie

I never chase a man.
I always go for the ones who are too fat to run.

@Bob_Janke

Congratulations a celebrity blocked you. You were so annoying that they noticed you through all the Twitter noise. You must be a real prize.

@fro_vo

just watched a bird catch a worm at 3 in the afternoon

everything is a lie nothing is real

@MisterBombay

People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides

@KalvinMacleod

BOSS: you’re fired
ME: is it because I won’t take no for an answer?
BOSS: no
ME: is it because I won’t take no for an answer?