@patnspankme

Are people who say “hard pass” aware of fiber supplements?

You Might Also Like

@david8hughes

[at the gun store]
Me: I’ll take that gun & a box of ammo
Clerk: that’ll be $250
Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no

@TheCiscoKidder

If Donald Trump becomes president, we could finally out-crazy North Korea.

@ThRealBallsDeep

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

A: You look for the fresh prints!

I’ll show myself out y’all

@chuuew

ME: [holding door for wife]

WIFE: Why can’t we just buy an umbrella?

@batkaren

KID: Why’s the sky blue
DAD: It’s sad
MOM: Light refraction
DAD: …
MOM: …
DAD: (*mumbling*) light refraction

@ShutUpThatsWho

HOT GIRL AT WORK: I saw Death Of A Salesman last night & I really loved it

ME: [trying to impress her] I’ve murdered 7 pizza delivery guys

@GrillinChillin9

Eve: Wrong hole!

Adam: Sorry, it’s my first time. How do U know it’s the wrong hole? No one has done this before, it’s just us two you know

@birkinmami

haven’t gone back to the gym since i kept using my phone and someone asked me if it’s fingers day