K1: Frankincence
K2: Myrrh
K3: Gold
K1 & K2: WHAT?
K3: Gold
K1: We said £20 each!
K3: I..
K1: I hate you
K3: Wrap it from all of us?

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The best way to stop uninvited guests from stopping by your home is to always answer the door naked.


Made my day..

I have this digital scale in my bathroom. Everyday the first thing I do is weigh myself and it shows 68 Kgs. However, if I weigh myself after I wear my specs i see 88 kgs.. hence the specs weigh 20 kgs


If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.


ME: I got fired for microwaving fish at work
HER: whoa, fired? that seems harsh
ME: whatever, I didn’t like working at the aquarium anyway


Watching Finding Dory & her parents call her “cupcake.” How do they know what that is?

This movie doesn’t seem very realistic, you guys.


My 12 yo has this bizarre illness where he suddenly needs to spend 20 minutes pooping every time we start doing the dishes.


Sue from work says putting zucchini in her brownie makes it incredibly moist. I told Sue I’ve had similar successes.


Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?


I feel like we have to go see the Matrix because Keanu would go and see one of our movies if we made one.


Oh what so only roosters are allowed to start the day with screaming