@a_simpl_man
@Be___Dope Cashier: You’re the first person to not buy flowers or chocolates today.
Me: * looks down at burrito and donuts *
It’s still love though.
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@Be___Dope 
@Sassy_Soul_ True.
@BonaFideIntent Daily ‘Facts About CHEESE’
Fact About Cheese #3:
“String Cheese. Is not made of string.”
@mommy_cusses My son cuddled up to my bump and was talking about how he could see the baby and it would have been cute if I were pregnant.
@MyMagpies Bacon is the duct tape in the culinary world. It fixes almost any dish.
@Gelatin_Cyborg Martha Stewart gives me the crêpes.
@DnDSesame So…for no good reason a photoshop of a Bison and Sweetums, and probably something that will never be done again.
@3sunzzz My husband has texted me 12 times from the grocery store with questions. He’s only made it to aisle 4. Pray for me.
@bogadafet Guy in restaurant: Mam, are u ok? Are u choking?
Me: *wipes off drool & removes a cherry stem from my mouth that’s not tied in a knot*
@XplodingUnicorn 4-year-old: How many push-ups can you do?
Me: A million.
4: Then why did your arms shake on the first one?
Me: Must’ve been an earthquake