Me: Do you want in or out?
My dog: Yes.

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Cashier: You’re the first person to not buy flowers or chocolates today.

Me: * looks down at burrito and donuts *

It’s still love though.


Daily ‘Facts About CHEESE’

Fact About Cheese #3:
“String Cheese. Is not made of string.”


My son cuddled up to my bump and was talking about how he could see the baby and it would have been cute if I were pregnant.


Bacon is the duct tape in the culinary world. It fixes almost any dish.


So…for no good reason a photoshop of a Bison and Sweetums, and probably something that will never be done again.


My husband has texted me 12 times from the grocery store with questions. He’s only made it to aisle 4. Pray for me.


Guy in restaurant: Mam, are u ok? Are u choking?

Me: *wipes off drool & removes a cherry stem from my mouth that’s not tied in a knot*


4-year-old: How many push-ups can you do?

Me: A million.

4: Then why did your arms shake on the first one?

Me: Must’ve been an earthquake