@a_simpl_man

Me: Do you want in or out?
My dog: Yes.

You Might Also Like

@Be___Dope

Cashier: You’re the first person to not buy flowers or chocolates today.

Me: * looks down at burrito and donuts *

It’s still love though.

@BonaFideIntent

Daily ‘Facts About CHEESE’

Fact About Cheese #3:
“String Cheese. Is not made of string.”

@mommy_cusses

My son cuddled up to my bump and was talking about how he could see the baby and it would have been cute if I were pregnant.

@MyMagpies

Bacon is the duct tape in the culinary world. It fixes almost any dish.

@DnDSesame

So…for no good reason a photoshop of a Bison and Sweetums, and probably something that will never be done again.

@3sunzzz

My husband has texted me 12 times from the grocery store with questions. He’s only made it to aisle 4. Pray for me.

@bogadafet

Guy in restaurant: Mam, are u ok? Are u choking?

Me: *wipes off drool & removes a cherry stem from my mouth that’s not tied in a knot*

@XplodingUnicorn

4-year-old: How many push-ups can you do?

Me: A million.

4: Then why did your arms shake on the first one?

Me: Must’ve been an earthquake