My boyfriend said it would be nice if once in a while he woke up to breakfast in bed…
I put his bed in the kitchen…

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Mama said there’d be days like this, and also “knock you out” ??? I don’t know, you talk to her. She sounds drunk.


My job sucks but it pays the bills.

Too bad I can’t say the same things about my boyfriend.


Me: Have fun on your date.

Son: What if she drinks too much, or gets high?

Me: You really aren’t my kid are you?


Shot my first turkey today. . scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section…


Chicken pot pie sounds like such a good idea. If you add commas.


“There’s no eye in Teams” I exclaim turning off my laptop camera


Why do we PARK on a DRIVEway, but my mom’s boyfriend Craig won’t let me call him Dad when we hug?


My little girl will never have daddy issues.

But her future boyfriends will.