The return of Boeing’s Starliner spacecraft has reportedly been delayed 8 days due to difficulties. Whose idea was it to let the company that can’t even get it right in their own atmosphere try their hand at another one?
You Might Also Like
Mariah Carey beginning with “I don’t want a lot for Christmas” and then revealing she wants “you” is such a good burn
I don’t have many enemies because I’m funny and sweet and they all died in mysterious fires.
That feeling when you must evacuate your bowels after drinking fermented tea should be called spontaneous kombucha.
Daughter has amputated three dolls in the span of twelve hours. Really hoping our dog is smart enough to stay away from her.
Take charge of your life and get a home tattoo kit from Amazon. Do you really want a stranger drawing anything permanent on your body?!
everybody freaking out about these UFOs as if it wasnt just that the aliens heard rihanna was performing this week
Am I a decent cook who can turn out a killer meal? yes
Will you sometimes still find paper from the stick of butter in my pan? also yes
It’s been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress. I’m going there in person tomorrow to see what’s really going on.
Me: My brother was in an accident & lost his hand.
Her: OMG, is he OK?
Me: Yes, it was his left hand so
Her: Don’t do it
Me: he’s all right
Me: I try to avoid working out while on vacation.
Also me: [lugs seven beach chairs, five umbrellas, a cooler, a bag containing snacks and 13 bottles of sunscreen, and a cornhole set down a half-mile down to the beach through eight inches of soft sand]
You know when you do Secret Santa and you give the person a gift card, glove and scarf set in handmade gift bag you sewed yourself and you get a stained coffee mug with Halloween candy in it?
That.
I sharpened all my kitchen knives today. Now I can’t help but slice everything as if I’m in an infomercial.
*first day as a cop*
What if they arrest me back
cat faces on other animals, a thread
[diner]
ME: I’ll have the eggs, please
WAITER: how would you like those?
ME: painted and hidden for me to find, thank you.
A coworker just told me that “it is what it is” and I have never felt so enlightened.
If I ever met the Dalai Lama, I would ask him a question that has plagued me my entire life.
“What color do Smurfs turn if you choke them?”
A funny thing happened on the way to my potential.
Renting a billboard with the word MOIST in giant letters seems like a fantastic way to piss off a lot of people quickly.
SCHRÖDINGER: *Kneels down* Hey buddy, so… I have some news about your cat.
SON: Is it good news or bad news?
SCHRÖDINGER: Yes.
*mutes Coronavirus*
*Twitter disappears*
It’s your choice. Instead of resting bitch face you could call it irritable scowl syndrome.
I’d like to say the best moment of a woman’s life is giving birth, but it’s actually seeing an old nemesis & realizing she got really fat.
My very religious-minded FB friend posted that she and her daughter were going to Netflix and chill today. I don’t have the heart to tell her.
grocer: [checking eggs] this one’s broken
king: how many horses do you have?
grocer: what
king: [panicking] how many men?
them: can i call you? It’s really difficult to convey in a chat msg
me: try harder.
Expressing laughter as “tee-hee” is only acceptable in written form.
Everybody knows that.
I wonder if husband spiders get annoyed when their spider wives use all the hot water in the shower shaving their 8 legs.
Jesus: my child, when there was only one set of footprints, Fred Flintstone was driving.