“wfh”
what it means: work from home
what my brain sees: what fthe hell?
You Might Also Like
hi friends- for the new year I’m taking a break from life so I can focus on social media. if you need me you can find me here, constantly
me: aren’t you too old for a high chair
lifeguard: please go away
i want the dreams to chase me for once
[PetSmart]
Why pay $30 for a bird when I can pay $10 & grow like 1000 of them?
*throws bag of bird seed in cart*
I’m such a smart shopper.
HADES: what happens when Aphrodites hair gets frizzy?
ZEUS: don’t-
HADES: i guess u could call her AFROdite
ZEUS: this is why we banished u
1: How old is James Earl Jones?
2: She’s 30
1: OMG WHAT?
Stopped visiting friends because they have a child gate on the way to the upstairs bathroom I can’t figure out.
When Meatloaf said he would do anything for love, but he wouldn’t do that, he was talking about quarantining with his kids for 2 weeks.
How to play chess:
– Look like you’re thinking for a really long time.
– Move one piece.
– Realize it was a bad choice.
– Flip over the table.
If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.
I told my 14yo there’s a muppet who is dealing with drug addiction and he said “they all are. Look at their eyes”
when someone replies to a locked account it’s like watching Han talk to Chewie
A 23 yr old girl just said I feel like I see people & I think they’re my age then I find out they’re OLD!! Like, THIRTY!!
So I killed her.
Next time you want to hurt a horse’s feelings, tell him he’s hung like a human.
her: do carrots help your eyesight
me: *flicks cigarette butt* u ever seen a bunny with glasses Karen
Interviewer: How many words can you type a minute?
Me: Given a full minute I could probably type any word
I love how science fiction movies skip right to the fiction part.
At my parent’s house, or as I like to call it, the world’s most judgmental self-service laundromat.
if i could teach my cat to go downstairs and accept my doordash delivery i would never marry
Why am I like this?
#Shipping #Ecommerce #SmallBusiness #USPS #ShipDude
I’m my own worst enemy which is frustrating because I’d always hoped my worst enemy would have an eye patch.
Don’t think too hard about why Santa would name a reindeer “Vixen.”
When a possum plays dead he’s “smart” and “instinctual” but when I do it, it’s all “what’s wrong with you” and “crime scene investigators are at the door.”
The hardest part of parenting is sharing the chocolate chip cookies. And your heart walking around outside your body. But mainly cookies.
Dogs should be allowed to drive.
Boss to staff: “What incentives would make you work harder?”
Staff member: “Bonus!”
Boss: “I’m not boning any of you.”
Me: I look cute today.
Camera: No.
does anyone want to marry me before this website dies, feels like my best shot x
Ever say hi to someone and immediately regret it because now you know you have to say hi to them forever?
1. Rage against the machine.
2. Check to make sure machine is plugged in.
3. Apologize to the toaster for the misunderstanding.