I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything
You Might Also Like
My daughter plays recorder now and practices every single day, so yes, I believe in karma. I’m not even sure what I did, but I believe in it.
Me: Do you like being right-handed?
Hubby: Umm, sure… why?
Me: Take another one of my fries again and see…
Q: Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? A: So you’ll never know which side he’s on.
A great white shark is just a normal shark with khakis and a high credit score.
the “i feel like things can’t get any worse” to “oh i see” pipeline
Me: No guts, no glory.
Skeleton: Wow, I’m like right here.
[boys at work talking sports]
Them: what’s your favorite sport
Me: yeah
DAUGHTER: Mom asked me to check on you and the eggnog making
ME [wrestling a screaming chicken into a blender full of milk]: GRAB ITS LEGS
If you don’t have at least 1 hot neighbor then the hot neighbor is you
So the waiter said “The plate is hot” and I said “I’ll be the judge of that, haha.” Anyhoo, I met a lot of nice people at the burn center.
On my way into the gym, I quietly drop my empty Reese’s Pieces box into the trash can. My commitment to healthy living remains steadfast.
Him: Are you always this socially awkward?
Me: Only when I’m in my human form.
Him: So always.
Me: [Alone in our kitchen making a sandwich]
My teeanager: Why are you trying to embarrass me?
Isn’t it annoying when someone sits next to you in an empty cinema? I didn’t think so but that’s what my new best friend is telling security
Girlfriend: *twirls hair* so tell me what you like about me the most
Me: probably your willingness to date me
*Sees someone tying a yellow ribbon around a tree*
Me: Oh dang, Groot knows karate
Whenever I read that a suspect is cooperating with investigators I picture them being helpful in the interrogation room. Tidying up. Providing light conversation.
Banned from Yelp for including “the rat seems to be vulnerable to attacks from behind or when adjusting mask” in my Chuck E Cheese review
[tightening roller skates]
“stop worrying about me mom, I’m in a very dangerous gang, but we are really fast”
me forcing my cat to look at the screen while we watch alien (1979): do you see how ripley is able to save jonesy from the alien because he lets her pick him up and put him in a carrier?
I’m guessing whoever said “There’s no point beating a dead horse” has never been in a zombie apocalypse.
So rude of the public to always be there whenever I go out.
My glasses are broken but I’ve got a glasses repair kit except I can’t find it because my glasses are broken
“I smell like candy,” I mouthed to the hot guy in traffic that caught me smelling my shirt.
When speaking to children I always end every sentence with “…or else you’ll die. ” – I find this to be an excellent motivational tool.
In the beginning, people laughed at my penguin army. No one’s laughing now. I’m receiving treatment and everyone’s been really supportive.
I get it fish, my body is also beer battered
Me: You must train hard to beat Kylo Ren.
Rey: I already beat him once with literally no training.
Me:
Rey: Look. I still have two hands.
I’m disappointed that the book “Who Moved My Cheese” was not a mad-cap cheese caper.
Did not finish.
Me: I’ve decided to be the girl from The Grudge.
Friend: For Halloween?
Me: For what?