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If by living dangerously you mean eating stuff that upsets my tummy; then yes, I live dangerously
Serious question, are there beef songs in other genres? If so please send. I know Mexican cartels got songs about people they killed. But to me, if the other person already dead, that ain’t beef, That’s just journalism.
The worlds largest aircraft prototype is called the Air Lander 10. The helium pumped hybrid aircraft consists of an airplane, airship and helicopter built all in one.
After a failed college project to fight hunger, Clark decided to focus on fighting crime and thereby dropping a p from Supperman.
Obama: What should we do about Syria?
Biden: Batman.
Obama: For the last time Joe, he’s not real.
Biden: YOU’RE NOT REAL. *runs out crying*
applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
Them: Describe your personality using one word.
Me: no
Our neighborhood watch is just dogs barking warnings every time they see a squirrel.
My ex says he’s dating someone new but according to his Instagram she’s a sandwich
[planning heist]
Me: then we access the vault
Guy: I don’t think they have a vault
Me [mocking]: yeah I bet they jus leave the Mcflurrys out
Marie Kondo Vs. Hoarders
“Do these 370 cats bring you joy?”
“Yes. Get out!”
People get so weird when I step on the gym scale behind them, naked.
The dark side of Canada
Unroll wrapping paper.
Shoo cat away
Turn to get gift
Shoo cat away
Get tape
Dammit cat
Get tape
Wrap up cat
Wrap up gift
Pet cat
[second day of ninja training]
“Glad to see you’re all taking this more seriously. All except you, Glen. The tap shoes and air horn are, to say the least, antithetical, to what we’re doing here.”
every time i take my cat for a walk on the beach i imagine how mind blowing it is for him to be in a giant litter box
I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
*sees a babe about to walk through a puddle*
“No no, allow me”
*gets on hands and knees and drinks the entire puddle so the babe stays dry*
Kanye West builds a time machine so he can interrupt himself interrupting Taylor Swift.
*watching a cop walk past during drug deal*
ok relax, just be cool.. “bonjour mademoiselle how much of le methamphetamine dost thou fancy”
she has a smile full of sesame seeds
We had a pleasant conversation about how we hate talking to people and then he said that this is a good reason for us to…
Me: … fall in love?
Him: … stop talking to each other.
Just saw a man wearing a pager. Apparently, he’s expecting a very important call from someone in 1994.
Rude coworker said something very dumb & mean to me.
She blamed it on pregnancy brain.
I asked her if she was having triplets.
#milo
I wouldn’t mind razor blades in my Halloween candy this year, they’re getting really expensive.
Husband of the year 😂
Simple