Explained to my 9 yo how programming works:
1. You have something you want to do.
2. You write code to do it.
3. The code doesn’t work.
4. You fix the mistakes.
5. When the program works, you realize your idea was wrong.
6. You fix the idea.
7. Goto 2.
You Might Also Like
Guy- What’s your sign?
Me- Stop
Got out of the shower this morning and went to put my Fitbit back on, the screen said “looking good.” Was more than a bit unsettling since I was naked. 😳👀
Me: I’m updating my fitness app. Is bowling a sport?
Him: You didn’t bowl. You kept score.
Me: Is score-keeping for bowling a sport?
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
Husband: wanna have a quickie?
Me: As opposed to what?
I wear a French maid’s outfit specifically to get OUT of doing housework.
you’re opening a chip bag and it goes great except for a tiny tear and it seems fine but then the rip starts to get bigger and you’re worried you won’t be able to seal the bag and it keeps going and the entire bag is split open and it continues until the earth fully bifurcates
ME: I thought only old people got that
DOCTOR:
ME:
DOCTOR:
ME: Oh…
My girlfriend just called me old fashioned.
I almost dropped my Walkman.
[walking somewhere]
My cat: I’M GOING TO GET THERE FIRST!!
911, what’s your emergency?
Me (whispering): I’m holding a bagel in my right hand
Are you left handed?
No but I couldn’t use my right thumbprint to unlock my iPhone so I used the emergency button
Okay but why are you whispering?
I don’t want the killer to know I have a bagel
I once banged the Michelin Man…it was tiresome
[i walk into the Popes room as he’s napping] hey can i – stop screaming, ur gonna have a heart attack- can i borrow your hat for a snapchat?
I’m white, but not like “has a golden retriever named Chance” white.
Interviewer: Why do you want this job?
Me: I’ve always been passionate about being able to afford food
So deflating when you empty the dishwasher but then immediately fill it back up with all the dishes that were sitting in the sink because the dishwasher was running. Just gonna eat right out of the pan with my hands from now on
I’ve lost count of how many times in the past week I looked at my inbox and said, “How the hell did I get on this mailing list?” And “What could the CEO of Spanx possibly have to tell me about the coronavirus?”
Them: You should spend time with the ones you love. You never know when they’ll be taken from you.
Me: You’re absolutely right.
[buys the concert tickets]
@Lottie_Poppie I’m at my ideal weight. If I was a baby blue whale
The way I see it, you have 2 choices: you can go with the grain, you can go against the grain, or you can go across the grain. 3. You have 3 (three) choices.
Him: Can you decide quickly?
Me, 20 minutes later: No.
JESUS: *descends from heaven* HELLO-
ME: question
JESUS: I-
ME: do the cars from the movie Cars have sex?
JESUS: *ascends back into heaven*
Me: I can’t even tell you how much I hate people.
Twitter: Yes you can.
As there aren’t any female leprechauns, where do leprechauns come from
~ something to ponder every St Patrick’s Day
My dog is doing her silly “I Just Made A Giant Poop” happy dance. I’m happy for her but also like, super jealous.
me: if I’m guilty of anything it’s caring too much…
judge: no it’s armed robbery
me: *clenches fist* about money
Being an adult is like watching a foreign movie with no subtitles in a crowded theater, everyone else knows what’s going on and you just nod
Today I learned just how long ten minutes are by doing an ab workout.