Looking at hotels, one review says there are “drug attics” here.
Well what a fun little storage idea!
Booked it
You Might Also Like
Spring cleaning checklist…
Im on a date I want to leave how do i leave without-nevermind I said that out loud he left
Did you hear that John Travolta might have the coronavirus? He has chills that were multiplying.
I’ll see myself out.
I don’t like to brag about going to expensive places, but I just went to the gas station.
This Uber driver is the worst. I can’t roll down the windows, he keeps asking questions, the doors won’t open, and now his siren is blaring.
People who ignore me just haven’t learned to make the best of a bad situation.
Pros of hiring me as a vet:
– Hard-working
– Experienced
– Reasonable pricesCons:
– Have been dubbed “The Horse Murderer” by the press
. @kickitupanacho @funTweeters i’m not acting. i am proud of the honor. i love anybody who enjoys my tweets.
judge: do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
me: no
judge: [covers mic] what do I do
I’ve never watched The Bachelor but I have been to a bar.
indiana jones: time to explore ancient caves, fight nazis, and seek treasure
idaho jones: time to eat potatoes again
There are many reasons relationships don’t work out.
DIstance should never be one of them.
You want them?
Go get them Xxx
girlfriend: I’m sick of you having no sense of direction
me: where did that come from
Peppa pig = spicy bacon
[3am]
Me:
My Dog: time to set the world record for licking noises
When did kale arrive? 2007? Must’ve come via spaceship. I had never heard of it in my life. And then suddenly, it was everywhere. It had hearty advocates; & it had many, many detractors. How does a thing, kale, go from not existing to being ubiquitous? Spaceships. Only answer.
[store window advert – 50% off everything]
me: is everything really half off?
sales assistant: absolutely
me: even this $750 suit?
sa: yep, we take 50% off at checkout
me: I’ll take it
sa: *cutting it in half* that’ll be $750, please
Men go to bars for 2 reasons:
1) They don’t have a wife to go home to.
2) They have a wife to go home to.
Cop: Suspect located, we’re in hot pursuit
Me: *rolling down window* I THINK YOU’RE CUTE TOO!
2008: I want a career where I change the world
2012: It’d be great to make decent money doing something I’m proud of
2018: crying in my cube 4x a week is ONLY acceptable if I make enough money to afford tissues
Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute
I’m not a narcissist.
But If I was, I would be the best one there ever was.
I won’t take any criticism on this
Follow me for more fitness tips.
[ interview ]
cable company: where do you see yourself in five years
me: you mean between 3 and 8 years from now?
cable company: when can you start
me: between monday and july
Whoever accidentally put their dentist appointment in my ical it’s tomorrow morning! Don’t be late!
son: I hate my name
me: but you’re named after your grandpappy
son: I still hate it
me: now look here Grandpappy Tanaka
Who gets custody of us when Twitter dies?
If you’re ever interviewed after my murder, please, for the love of god, don’t say “she had a smile that lit up the room.” Tell the truth: we always knew she’d get on the wrong side of a sniper or we were worried about that dangerous model train group she got mixed up with.
My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten.