[Spelling bee]
Your word is Monogamous.
M-O-N-O-T-O-N-O-U-S
*2 Judges stare at each other*
1st judge *nods*
2nd judge: “We’ll allow it”
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My wife and I stood waving to the neighbor for 10 minutes this morning before we realized she was cleaning her windows.
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me: no i want to look at my phone with background noise
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me: this is my worst nightmare
I’m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
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I hope someday you’ll find it in your heart to murder me.
Fun Fact
The Hubble Space Telescope was built to do several things, one of which is to search for intelligent life, it is pointed away from Earth!
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When I die I want my skeleton turned into a xylophone. Just like the good ol’ days.
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6: But my belly hurts.
Me: Okay then you can go lay down but no treats or snacks later.
6: But I’ll feel better then.
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Me: How big of lasers will my eyes shoot?
Him:
Me:
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Me: so what do you do
Date: i’m an optometrist
M: oh like a glass half full thing
D: no like eyes
M: why do u have a glass half full of eyes