jurisprudence- an accused is innocent until proven guilty.
media- an accused is guilty until proven innocent.
colony aunty’s principle- guilty after proven innocent too.
You Might Also Like
Any atheists here can confirm if this is true?
My wife suggested taking Ecstasy to help with sex and so far she’s banged three neighbors and the UPS guy
Fun fact: they used acronyms back in colonial times too but DOS meant Dead of Smallpox and LMFAO meant Lost My Farm and Outbuildings
I’m on the steak diet. You just have four steaks for breakfast, four for lunch, then a sensible dinner of six steaks.
Jousting on horseback except both competitors have party subs.
I just won $8 on a scratch ticket. Lock up your girlfriends, I got that double cheeseburger money
I never really understood the tiny house trend, but then I saw one where the bed was literally in the kitchen, and now I get it.
#CanadianFakeNews Police in Northern Ontario are warning citizens of a vicious moose gang after one man was abducted and tied to the roof of his own pickup truck
It was just that one time that autocorrect changed mourning to mounting, but never again would my wife ask me to write the eulogy for one of her elderly relatives.
An ATM has surveillance footage of me feeding it Kraft Singles, so there’s that.
“Hot, lo-cal singles in your area!”
– Diet ads for Cannibals
My husband let me sleep late and in that time he cleaned the kitchen, installed a new faucet, and took out the trash.
I don’t know what he did wrong, but frankly, I don’t mind if he keeps doing it.
I always double-check our garage door is closed at night. I don’t want someone stealing all the stuff we’ve been trying to get rid of for years.
You have to question the modus operandi of people who use Latin for no reason.
I’m gonna be upset when HBO starts killing off Sesame Street characters one by one Game Of Thrones style.
I hate when companies say “THIS IS NOT A DRILL” and then they’re like “select shirts 10% off” Ok..? Didn’t need the disclaimer. Nobody thought that this was a practice round. I didn’t read the discount and go “ok champ, get on their website. Time to practice”
dropping acid is irresponsible like damn bro don’t be so clumsy
Dear car commercials,
You probably don’t mean to scare me but “German engineering” is also why I don’t have so many cousins today.
Home is where the Wi-Fi is.
Cupcakes are amazing, because holding a full size cake up to your face isn’t socially acceptable for some reason.
The thin membrane under the shell of a boiled egg is what’s left of the rooster’s broken condom, and that was my Dad’s sex talk. I’ll always remember that Easter.
MARRIAGE PROTIP – Guys, if you have a picture of your junk on your phone, you better be sure your wife has a copy of it on hers. Good talk.
The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.
Drove over 3 curbs today (personal best).
don’t usually brag about helping people, but when I saw an old lady drop her groceries, I yelled: “lift with a straight back!” it felt good
Never hate someone for the color of their skin or who they love. Hate them for putting mayo on a hotdog. That person deserves it
nurse: I’m pretty sure he’s dead
me: let’s find out
nurse: but he-
me: SWEET CAROLINE
nurse: what are u-
me: shhhhh
patient: [faintly] ba ba ba
me: nope
*goes to Costco to stock up*
*comes home with all the Doritos*
Waitress: Would you like an omelet?
Me: Sure. Put it in a martini glass with gin and no eggs…
Friend: What’s it like having a tween daughter?
Me: *pretends I didn’t hear her*