How did people charge their phones before electricity?
You Might Also Like
all the video games my bf plays are like “would you like to Search Beehive?” and he’ll say yes and it’ll be like “you have found: A Bee”
He wanted to come over but I only have one dozen donuts
BREAKING: FBI discovers that Hillary’s 30,000 deleted emails were all Facebook notifications from Biden tagging her on cat videos.
ME: goodnight honey
WIFE: goodnight
EVIL BULLFROG THAT LIVES UNDER OUR BED: *angry ribbit ribbit*
BOTH OF US (in unison): goodnight evil bullfrog
*happy ribbit ribbit*
I notice you only call when you want something
Person calling: ma’am your bill is 90 days past due
My husband is blaming the cat for eating all the cookies and putting the empty package back in the cabinet. Ffs🙀
Captain America is fighting with the Red Skull on Twitter right now. This is too real.
If sleeper cells advertised themselves as napping cells, they’d see a huge increase in membership.
Every damn time
Lady t-rex: I’m tired tonight, take care of yourself.
Dude t-rex: 😑
Waiter, Waiter, there’s a small slug in my salad.
I’m so sorry Sir, would you like me to bring you a bigger one?
#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
I saw an audiologist today, but I think I’ll get a second opinion. Why on earth would I need a heron egg?
*carpools to work*
Damnit Karen can you just match the windshield wiper setting to the frequency of raindrops
I think all the people named Shawn, Sean and Shaun should fight onto death and the winner gets to keep the name.
Welcome to 50, where your body says no to you far more than you have the energy to say it to your kids.
Don’t ask me if I’m participating in no nut November, call me when it’s time for Donut December
You have been warned.
Date: Do you go camping?
Me: Our ancestors evolved in order to give us pillow-top mattresses and flushing toilets. Why would I sleep outside?
Doctor: You have to eat healthier
Cannibal: [starts eating vegans]
SHOUTS OUT TO UTERUSES, THE ORIGINAL 3-D PRINTERS
Just got your text from Saturday. Are you still being kidnapped?
Costume idea:
Dress up like milkshake, wait in the yard.
So wild that you can walk into any Walmart, open a Ouija Board in the game aisle, summon a Demon and then just leave.
Notes to my My normal
kids teacher handwriting
*punches a fish* that’s for tsunamis
so I rewatched Top Gun and let me just say if some horny pilot ever follows my daughter into an officer’s club bathroom I hope she punches him in the face
When I need a dose of logic and rational thinking I turn to my dog who has to this day never cut her own bangs.
It takes a long time to delete 900 million dollars worth of stuff from an Amazon shopping cart.
Me: I’m feeling really confident right now.
Universe: Humble her.