You can tell a lot about a person based on what they use as a gender-neutral singular pronoun.
You Might Also Like
[Dr. Strange casting read]
Ancient One: Ópẽñ yõür ẽyé, Stéphẽñ
Benedict Cumberbatch: …what… is this accent for real?
Tilde Swinton: Í’m ñõt dõíñg ãñ ãccéñt
[first day on a new job]
Me: I’ll admit. I’m a workaholic. I tend to bring my work home with me.
Zoo keeper: Put down the penguin.
Me: please bbc just tell me who the new Doctor is I won’t ask for anything else ever please
BBC: *reveals new Doctor*
Me: Nice!!
…
…Me: please bbc just tell me who the new companion is I won’t ask for anything else ever plea-
I sprayed FeBreeze on the recliner and now my dog won’t talk to me.
I got a raw meat sandwich that I really don’t like so I swallowed it completely.
The Neverending Story is my favorite movie about laundry
I hate how every single day my ex wife just keeps waking up!
Remember kids, every weekend can be a three day weekend if you’re still too drunk from Thursday! 🍻
Obama says he supports gay marriage because his views have “evolved.” Republicans unsure which half of the sentence to get more angry about.
I’m watching Peppa Pig right now and I’m wondering what Papa Pig’s side hustle is that he can afford to take his whole family the Paris on a cement inspector’s salary.
Me *about to get hit by a bus*
OH SHIT I’M NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER
i put “wake up” and “try to breathe” on my to-do list and long story short it’s 9:30am and guess who’s already had a productive day
“Doesn’t it feel good to Payless?” no, i want to be rich & shop at good stores
I know it’s called Words With Friends, but the moment you play “QI” on a triple word spot, you just became my mortal enemy.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.
Wife [returns home] have you eaten
Me: have you eatenWife: are you copying me?!
Me: are you copying meWife: I Love You
Me: I already ate
Mugger *shows knife*
Crocodile Dundee “No this is a knife”
*pulls out huge knife*
Alanis Morrisette “Hang on”
*sifts through 10,000 spoons*
when your parents get a divorce you gotta figure out if pokemon mom or pokemon dad has better exclusives. lucky if you have a sibling so you can each pick one and trade
the only time I can imagine clicking on a Facebook story is maybe if I got attacked by a bird while trying to do something else
This virus would sound a lot cuter if it was referred to as more of a panda-demic.
the human wiped away my eye booger. only to pet it back onto me. i have never experienced such betrayal
Just told my mom I’m gonna mow the laundry today. Honestly it doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.
I hate when I go to unbutton my pants because they’re too tight and they’re already unbuttoned.
Sometimes I just want to take my three dollars and run away.
Been looking for you, every, single, day in the obituaries.
Darling
Just discovered that my 5yo thinks the lyrics are “apple button jeans, boots with the brrr” and then he does a little shiver
How to handle a one night stand the next morning:
1. Put on Titanic
2. He’s gone, that’s it
[guy in dark alley]
Psst. Hey, lady…
*opens trench coat*
CHECK OUT-
*dozens of bibles fall out*
-our Lord and savior Jesus Christ
Taking my daughter to scope out a university today and as she asked me not to embarrass her, I’m going dressed as Legolas.
I feel a special bond w/ ppl that always pop up in my ‘May Know’ Facebook window. Like u see me,I see u &we’ve both agreed not to be friends