for some *ridiculous* reason the french love to translate movie titles from english to… english
here’s a thread with my all-time favorites, starting with “the hangover”
…i mean VERY BAD TRIP
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Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear…
You’re better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away!
Im at the swamp does anyone need anything
Homeless man asked me if I could ‘spare some change’. I told him ‘change comes from within’. Long story short, I’m missing a kidney.
[reaches into pocket for car keys]
Hand: I got nothing
Brain: they only ever go in that pocket
Hand: well Iâm here & theyâre not so
Brain: so weâre walking cos I put them in there & if theyâre not there then theyâre lost
Other hand: holy shit you guys are not gonna believe this
Always keep your head up and stand proud! That way your double chin won’t show in your pictures.
That bear was just minding its own business. You brought that granola bar into the situation. Should have brought enough to share.
*sends nudes*
Him: omg you showered!
I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise
If you steal piles of leaves from someone elseâs yard itâs called grand theft autumn.
So you better just leaf it right there. đđ
Sorry for loudly singing “Whoomp there it is!” when you took your pants off. It’s been a while.
Has anyone tried ejecting 2020, blowing on it, putting it back in and hitting play?
Walking around the house looking for my coffee that’s already in my hand doesn’t mean I’m losing my mind.
It means I’m a parent.
[Dark alley at midnight]
*Knife-wielding punk approaches
Me: âDon’t make me do something I might regret…â
*Punk sneers & raises knife
*I phone up and propose to my married high-school girlfriend
Cauliflower has a good publicist.
Fun fact: Through late fees, I alone kept Blockbuster going from 2003-2005.
If you do blood curdling screams and run your fastest zig zag patterns I bet you could make it out of a store with at least forty seven eggs
I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the tv to get a clearer picture.
You’d better have a great day today
Don’t MAKE me have a great day FOR you đŞ
I just had a second grader do an impression of his dad, which included the statement, âI was born in 1990 and I had to grow up watching black and white tv because color tv wasnât invented yet.â
Sir. đ
Just back from my first rap battle. Complete disaster. I thought it was a nap battle and when the other guy saw my pajamas I was doomed.
I got 99 problems and they’re all friend requests from people I didn’t like in high school.
Wife: I want to have another baby
Me: one is more than enough
Wife: we have 3
Me: the others know how I feel
Day 1: Brad wears no pants
Day 2: Brad wears no pants
Day 3: Brad wears no pants
…
…This is just a bottomless Pitt
One of my buddies lost his right arm in a car accident which is a huge bummer, so much money wasted on tattoos
Good morning, here are some ABBA songs that could also be about Mario:
⢠Mamma Mia
⢠Money, Money, Money
⢠Super Trooper
⢠Name of the Game
⢠I’ve Been Waiting For You
⢠The Winner Takes It AllPlease let me know if there are any more.
doctor: jogging will extend your life
me: thanks for the warning
I canât afford a security system so Iâve just stopped greasing the hinges on my doors
I see you people drinking from your water bottles without spilling or choking, flaunting your superiority in our faces like that
If you ever come across a bear in the wild, throw a tiny bicycle at him.
Then, just let his circus instincts take care of the rest.