Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.
You Might Also Like
Bigfoot’s whole body is big. he should be called Bigbody
[The Second Coming]
Jesus: “People of the Earth! I have returned with news of God’s love an-“
Voice from the crowd: “DO THE WINE TRICK”
I may be unhinged now but at one point I was “a pleasure to have in class”
Used shampoo instead of shower gel and now my body has up to 70% more body.
too old for tik tok, too young for facebook, too weird for linkedin, not weird enough for reddit, too ugly for instagram…where will i go now
I implanted a voice-modulating chip in my neighbor’s chihuahua, so now, whenever he barks, it sounds like the sax riff from Careless Whispers. So soothing.
I really hate it when people stereotype the Irish. When I finish my Guinness, I’m punching you all in the face.
I know
HR says I’m not allowed to test the bungy rope I made out of rubber bands on the intern
My neighbor accidentally called me “love” in a text looking for his cat and now we have more reason to never make eye contact again.
ME: can I ask one last question
FIRING SQUAD CAPTAIN: ok shoot
[gunshots]
FIRING SQUAD CAPTAIN: aw heck
My son asked why my legs are “so fat.” You’re damn right I’m here for validation.
My wife and I decided not to have kids.
We plan on telling them tonight…
I came.
I saw.
I forgot why I went upstairs.
What idiot called him Steve Jobs instead of Mac Daddy
me: how do i tell my wife i want a divorce?
wife: not like this
I need someone else to prevent forest fires for like 10 minutes.
me: absolute shit technique
murderer: [stops stabbing me] what?
It seems unrealistic that no two people in a movie almost ever have the same name. My screenplay, 12 Guys Named Mike, will address this.
Perfect
When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I like to pretend I have Christmas movie problems like “Do I move back to the small town where my single Canadian handsome high school bf lives, and open a Chocolate shop?”
Just been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.
Feefiphobia.
HIM: tell me your wildest fantasy
ME: i’m on wheel of fortune and i spin it so hard it lights on fire
HIM: i meant like-
ME: everyone claps
Daughter: what’s nostalgia?
Wife: it’s when you miss something that’s really old.
[later]
Me: I’m home from work!
Wife: aw we missed you!
Daughter: [whispers] nostalgia.
My toddler’s plan for today is to ‘throw snowballs at all the peoples’ so I’m really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later
Microwave sparked and is suddenly dead, now I really have no idea what time it is.
I sharpened all my kitchen knives today. Now I can’t help but slice everything as if I’m in an infomercial.
Me: I hate math.
Also me: If I cut my shower down to three minutes and breakfast down to ten, I can hit the nine-minute snooze two more times and only be five minutes late.
This guy I was talking to asked if he had to worry about a boyfriend or husband that would get mad at him for dating me, so I asked him, “why, you can’t fight?”
Anyways, that’s how I ended up blocked
I learned to play guitar so people would stop asking me to go camping.