life hack: toss a couple tennis balls into your dryer to make it louder
You Might Also Like
Well Avril, given that you were describing two completely different situations at the beginning and the end of the song, in retrospect yes I do believe you could have made it more obvious
We have a cricket in our garage and every once a while, to keep him entertained, I go out and tell him corny dad jokes.
Then I wait.
[1st person to try jogging]
Peasant: what chasest thou, mâlady?
Jogger: Nothing. I doth run for mine own pleasure.
Peasant: *suddenly holding a torch and pitch fork* WITCH!!!
Welcome to the middle age, there is no more a 5 second rule coz who tf can lift stuff in 5 seconds
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
My favorite part of the gym is leaving. And girls in stretch pants.
All the toys under the tree
Have now gone
completely missingYouâve been hit by
Youâve been struck by
Reverse Santa Claus
Someone on Facebook sent me an invite to their Fall Tupperware party. The only way Iâm going is if theyâre full of food.
To be clear, when I say âletâs get it onâ, Iâm talking about the two-person horse costume.
Getting my hair done Monday.
Good news for the kids who scream “WITCH” as they pass by my house, bad news for the birds that live in it.
found this cool rock hiking today
Stages of gardening:
1. Excitedly gather supplies
2. Start pulling weeds
3. Kneel in nest of ants
4. Get bitten by 40 ants
5. Be done gardening
I think Newton was actually hit by pigeon shit when he discovered gravity.. Falling of apple was just a ‘dignified’ cover up…!!
Sorry kids I missed your childhood, I was busy trying to set a strong password
I was raised Catholic. I know all the rules. And I broke most of them. đ
Mix it up a little. Start answering calls from unrecognized phone numbers with an angry “If this is about the marmot again, I swear to God someone’s going to pay!”
Extremely relatable.
âIâm gonna sneak past you.â No youâre not. Youâve alerted me.
*buys a new treat for my dog*
*dog refuses to eat*
Me: *gives it a bite* mmm itâs delicious, try one
Springsteen: baby we were born to run
Springsadult: letâs just take a cab
If I wanted to drive my wife insane, I’d secretly raise a colony of bees & place one new bee inside of her car each morning for ten years.
how does a Matrix movie work in 2021? I’m supposed to be scared of living in a fake reality, trapped forever in 1999? Shit frost my tips and log me in
Life is about experiences. First kisses. Books that change you. Self-medication. Dogs telling you to set things on fire.
“Eat her already!” – Animal watching people kissing
My 3 year old reported seeing a spider-cricket and I couldn’t find it so we’re outside watching the house burn.
Urinal cake? Nah, thatâs a pisscuit
Asking for her hand in marriage means something entirely different if your name’s Frankenstein.
âShut up or Iâll eat your lunch.â Bad fight script writing or okay parenting? You decide.