@TitansHomer They only arrested Justin Bieber cause he’s black.
@MadHatterMommy Welcome to the middle age, there is no more a 5 second rule coz who tf can lift stuff in 5 seconds
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@TitansHomer 
@whatsJo [inventing a new flavor Dorito] what’s the last thing you stepped on
@soulphoodie 
@iwearaonesie *sneaks into sons room to scare him*
*trips over skateboard*
*steps on something squishy*
*turns light on*
*makes him clean his room*
@hipstermermaid Dance like you won’t be turned into a gif.
@tastefactory Prisoner:*strapped into chair* Flip the switch & fry me.
Guard: Oh, we’re not electrocuting you…
*college kid w/ acoustic guitar walks in*
@PajamaBen_ *dad walks up to me stroking his beard* son, where do we keep the dog treats again? Im hun- *beard falls off revealing my dog. he runs away*
@mistrustme1 Some of y’all need Jesus and I say this as an atheist
@AdamOfEarth 10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary:
1) There are 1’s and 0’s
10) There are no 2’s
@HaliPhacks Your email signature says “best regards” mine says “alrighty then” we are not the same.