‘Triskaidekaphobia’ is the word for an irrational fear of the number 13.
But why does Big Dictionary have no word for if the fear is rational? Like, maybe the number 13 killed your family, or cut your brake lines.
Stay woke, friends.
You Might Also Like
Guys, I had to book a flight for my grandma, and according to her passport, she’s born in February, not July, as we have always celebrated. Asked, she said: “Well, you can’t celebrate garden parties in February.”
O_o
wife: we are doing christmas with my family this year
remembering how me and my uncle got in a fist fight over whether the grinch is british: that’s fair
[first day as diving instructor]
Guy [from the back]: what’s the signal for a shark
Me: sharks don’t really give signals they just show up
“I hate hashtags!” Dad screams as he smashes his #1 Dad coffee mug against a wall.
My doctor told me humans need to have an average of 8 cups of water a day.
Which means if just 4 of you have 10 a day I don’t need to have any.
Yes I run a porn site. It was an accident.
Found a card from Christmas with $100 bill in it. So now I have a retirement plan. Phew.
You know you’re an adult when you spend $100 at the grocery store and leave without any food.
i love those posts that are like “would you ruin your life for 1 million dollars???” babe i’m doing it for free
At his funeral. I lay my hand on your shoulder. I apply pressure, gently, in an attempt to move you from in front of the snack table.
“Hello, cops? A man in an apron attacked my hair with scissors!”
“LOL sir, that was a barber.”
“He was black.”
“We’re sending a battleship.”
i don’t really hate you but if you were falling off a cliff
i would be waving good bye
Rose: Paint me like your French girls.
Jack: With armpit hair?
You said you couldn’t live without me, so it’s very inconsiderate of you not to be dead.
True story:
I once went on a date and for some reason started talking about dolphins mating. I never saw her again.
Meanwhile at the drugstore…
What do you mean I can’t drink alcohol with this medication?
You’re not a bartender!
You’re just a pharmacist.
The bad thing about subtweets is you can never be sure the recipient received it. That’s why it’s better to shoot them.
In France for work. Obviously I knew there would be lots of people with dogs. What I was not prepared for is that the dogs seem aware they are French
Her, 5: can I have another pickle?
Me: no more pickles
Her: can I stare at the pickles?
Me: sure
Is there a way to ask for extra ranch dressing without sounding fat?
Putting kids to bed is like, I love you but I really need you to leave me alone for the next 8 hours.
My greatest wish is for every guy who has ever rejected me to end up with a girl who asks tons of questions during a movie.
IMPORTANT:
IF YOU GET A TEXT MESSAGE WITH A LINK THAT SAYS “NSFW SLIM JIM” — DO NOT CLICK IT — IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCKPLS TELL EVERYONE
a horror film where the victim walks into her kitchen and everyone she’s muted on twitter is standing there drinking coffee
I loved him with a fervor I normally reserved for carrot cake.
That.
Date: These lamb chops are great
Me: They’re missing something
Date: Like what?
Me: *about to invent mint jelly* Jiggly toothpaste
As a woman I personally am looking forward to aging. I seriously cannot wait to use my senior discount at the diner, dye my white hair the same pink as Frenchie from Grease, & put tennis balls on my walker. I’m just gonna be so good at being old.
My daughter is taking a bath and asking me to bring her Camping Barbie and every time I present a Barbie to her she says “No, CAMPING Barbie.” She is growing frustrated. I don’t know what to do. All of the Barbies are naked.
[Saturday morning, 5:53 am]
[a tap on my shoulder wakes me]
8YR OLD: dad, I’m bored
Some peanut butter M&M’s just rolled under the fridge, and now I understand every sad love song ever written.