Sesame Street has been on the air since 1969. Working with kids that long, it’s no wonder Cookie Monster is an addict & Oscar is a grouch.
You Might Also Like
It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you
When pets wake me up at 5 am, it’s painful but adorable and I come right to life.
When humans do it, they lose a finger.
I’ll be so happy when 2020 is over in a few years
Yo. I spit out my drink 😂
The craziest thing about teaching is how you will straight up meet doppelgangers of previous students. Choking back telling them to get outta here. I taught you already
*me, looking for someone to have breakfast with* wanna be friends with benedicts?
*goes into kitchen
*makes toast
*pours coffee
*sits at table
*opens Sunday paper“WHO ARE YOU & WHY ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN?”
*sighs
*leaves
hey 🙂 if you’re having a good day, i just want you to know that tarantulas can swim
As it turns out, if you’re with a group of people, it’s “Christmas caroling.” If you do it alone it’s “creating a public nuisance.”
nobody:
4yo: 1+8 equals curtains and zero plus 4 is ok.
Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.
Whenever I get a midnight “Hey” dm from a woman on the weekend, I always reply
Maybe she’s inviting me to church or something fun like that
I don’t want to hear about any moonlit romantic walks on the beach…unless there’s a clown with a wooden club chasing you.
the embarrassment of competing in a rap battle and finding out your opponent is your doctor who does not care about hipaa violations
My 3yo just ate a bunch of almonds and complained his chin hurt from the salt.
I asked him if he wanted a wet napkin to help.
He said he needed a dinner roll to help it.
Now he’s holding a King’s Hawaiian Roll on his chin.
TRAINER: you know what they say
ME: no pain! lo mein!
TRAINER: it’s “no gain”
ME: (eating Chinese food) i like this better
My neighbor cut their tree down and now my house looks bald.
I spotted a worm on a busy jogging path, and decided that since all life is precious I ought to move the little guy out of the way so he wouldn’t get trampled. The jogger behind me didn’t see me bend over and flew right over my head and face planted. He’s still alive though, so
I tried killing a spider with kindness, but found that a shoe was much more effective
Toddlers can actually be very generous despite their reputation. Sometimes they’ll even offer you the food from out of their own mouth.
If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”
My hand just touched toilet water. Now I’m on eBay looking for a second-hand hand.
Salad kits are great when you want to pretend you are trying to be healthy but also don’t have the energy to go outside and chop cabbages off of your cabbage tree and summon the Ranch God.
My gym is opening up again, so now I have to go back to not going because I’m lazy.
I think the main issue with ‘The Hunger Games’ is that while her life is at stake, boy problems are still presented as legitimate threats.
My wife and I play this adorable game where I pick a place to eat and she says no until it’s someone else’s idea.
People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.
Bruce Willis is relaxing by his pool. he’s got so much sunscreen on that he slowly slides off his lounger, out of the gate & down the road
Support your local cemetery
Out of curiosity I decided to look at Pinterest, and I’ve decided it’s basically cyber-hoarding…