OF COURSE IT’S A GENUINE BEETHOVEN! Look at those brush strokes, the stunning use of colour.
You Might Also Like
That face-melting Nazi guy in ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ but it’s just my makeup the second I step outside in the summer.
Customers love saying “I’ll have one of these” while pointing at a sign I can’t see.
There should be a polygamist version of the Bachelor where he says yes to all 30 women on the first night and the season ends after one episode
I grew up in a very sheltered household. Our house had 17 roofs. We had alcoves upon alcoves. I wore a tarp wherever I went.
With all the infectious diseases spreading the globe it won’t be long until the introverts take over the planet. Though they won’t know until they run out of snacks and redbull
[Yelp Customer Review]
Bill’s Wild West Saloon
Tasty food served in giant sheriff’s badges. I give it ate out of tin stars
My daughter has an ice skating date with her boyfriend tonight. So I’ll be the guy skating behind two 12 year olds carrying a shotgun.
My ex recently asked me if I wanted to be “Friends with Benefits” which is so psycho like dude I am a woman in her 30s, you can’t ask me something like that….I absolutely do not want new friends.
“You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep.” -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow
Wonder why we didn’t get blimp sky view coverage of game.
FBI: oops wrong one
“3 FOR 1 TACOS, TODAY ONLY” I shout into the megaphone. the crowd watches with bated breath.
“I’m coming down,” the man on the ledge shouts
Husband: Do you like it hard or soft?
Wife: You know I like it hard-parents passing taco shells on a wild Tuesday night
I asked my husband if I’m the only one he’s been with. He said yes, the others were all nines and tens.
Send bail money.
Gordon Ramsey: tell me what you’ve made here
Me: *placing my hand on his* an everlasting friendship
I don’t understand what you mean by ‘stop drinking so much’. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?
[Ouija board starts shaking and screeching]
Me: hold on I gotta take this
devil:
first guy in hell:
devil:
first guy in hell:
devil:
first guy in hell: is the awkwardness the torture or…
devil: shut up it’s gonna—it’ll pick up
sorry I didn’t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
A second-hand deep fryer is an acceptable gift for third weddings right?
*writes “Place sacrifice here” on baby changing station in Wal-Mart bathroom*
Just witnessed a home depot walk of shame (guy taking his purchase back in because it wouldn’t fit in his car)
Dentist: Do you grind your teeth?
Me: Yes, I have a child.
Went on a family vacation and 80% of the pics are my 11yo looking like her dog just died
Nothing shows more confidence in humanity that a mom with 4 kids in a drive through not checking the order before she pulls away
Her: How would you describe that green sheep?
Me: I don’t know. Olive ewe?
Her: I knew you’d say it first! I love you too!
Entrapment 101
12yo: My friend has 2 tiktok accounts.
Me: One is for her mom to follow and the other is for her friends to follow.
12yo: Kids do that?
Me:
12yo:
Me: No.
Cop: *kicks door open* it’s time to take out the trash
Cop’s wife: stop kicking the door
I’m going to buy a house near the St. Louis Airport and paint “Welcome to chicago” on my roof to confuse people who are about to land.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
Co-worker: I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea…
Me: Yeah, you’re my glass of ipecac.