Computers are quite simple to explain. You see, they are just like the body. Let’s start with the processor- that’s the brain. The RAM, this I guess is also the brain. Now the hard drive, this too is the brain. The video card is more brain. Ok. I hope this has been helpful.
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Yo son, do you like nachos?
“Hell yeah!”
*son goes in for high 5*
That’s good, ’cause I’m nacho real dad
*rejects high 5*
You’re adopted lol
I tell people that the secret ingredient
in my cookies is “love” but it’s actually “floor” .
Saw a vulture hauling a carcass across the highway. Thought of you
*gets tax refund* *calls zoo*
Hello, how much to rent an otter for the day? Please say less than $47. Hello?
God: And they will have relationships full of love, commitment, and passion
Angel: Sounds perfect
God: Lol, they have to pick two of three
Today I became an Australian citizen and I got bitten by a spider. Unlikely coincidence IMHO. 🇦🇺
NEW YEAR’S LOGIC
1. The planet is passing through an arbitrary spot on its unceasing orbit around the sun.
2. Time to lay off chocolate.
“god I love doggy style” I say excitedly as I put a top hat and bow tie on my golden lab
Why hasn’t somebody opened a coffee shop next to a courthouse called ‘On What Grounds?’ Send
‘I want to gossip but professionally.’
– news anchors
Hubs sent me this text:
There’s no wrong way to tell the person you love that their beautiful.Me: *they’re.
I was sitting there getting my hair cut, when a spider ran across the floor.
And that’s how you accidentally get bangs.
The ketchup bottle always teaches you new ways it can destroy your shirt.
I like to do laundry in stages. For example, right now I’m in denial that I should be doing laundry.
i’ll see your “live laugh love” sign and raise you an “ew, people”
Me: *walks into room*
My cat, hanging by two paws, swinging from the lampshade: Hi.
Me: *walks back out of room*
Though I hear their
Helpless cries
I eat
Everybody keep your fingers crossed for me today.
Nothing’s happening, I just like bossing around internet strangers.
[slowly unbuttoning my flannel] give me a minute while I slip into something more uncomfortable
My doctor says I need to up my potassium intake and now on top of everything else I need to learn to mine bananas and avocados
[paying at chipotle]
ME: i got a burrito
CLERK: that’ll be ten dollars
ME: with guac
CLERK: that’ll be ten thousand dollars
Saw a truck with, “Hot Bob Express” written on the windshield. Im now concerned what Bob is delivering to people
Same post same
I never feel more productive than when I’m watching cleaning videos.
A Harry Potter spinoff series that focuses on Hermione’s origin story called Granger Things.
Do you think the rattlesnake is ever embarrassed that he has a stupid baby toy at the end of his string body
I don’t know if I’m mad because my husband got me the next size up pants or because they fit perfectly.
“Schrödinger’s Second” is the time immediately after a child collides with an object where they are both hurt and not hurt until observed
This is the smartest joke I’ve ever written
I’d say go to hell, but I don’t want to see you again.