@dsmitty_62

Anyone know the difference between the Supreme and the Deluxe? This whore house menu is confusing

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@Chhapiness

Parenting is panicking when your kids are loud, and panicking when they’re quiet

@CornOnTheGoblin

[Struts in lookin fly as heck in my speedo, shower cap and armfull of baby dolls

struts out with new understanding of the term baby shower]

@aparnapkin

Friendship: because I’ve said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks

@AdamDavis

[In bed with gf]
“Do you have any fantasies?”
Yeah, one. You know your friend Sarah, the hot one?
“Yes.. why?”
I want to hit her with my car

@VeganZebra

Bully: Give me your lunch money
Me (clutching my lunch sack against my body): My name isn’t Money

@LuvPug

If Zombies ever switch to eating souls, I’ll have the last laugh on everyone whoever made fun of me for being a Ginger

@Bripping_Talls

Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn’t read the entire article.

@JaneEJuanita

A Spanish friend working in UK happily for years reply to taunts re being kicked out: “Well, I can choose 27 other countries; you can’t”