@TrolleyCat I want a “refrigerataur.” Half horse, half refrigerator. I could ride it AND eat from it which is just plain sensible we are in a recession.
@ElenaChainHelp1 Before we get too excited about rising follower counts, it’s good to remember that people also stop to look at accidents.
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@TrolleyCat 
@timdonakowski I remember when the History Channel actually played MUSIC!
@gavinspeiller Anyone under the age of 21 should be legally required to end every sentence with the phrase “but there’s a good chance I’m wrong about that”
@TheSharona06 Sometimes I put my cat in the sunroom hoping the coyote who lives out back will charge at it and bounce off the glass.
@thatdutchperson *seductively tries to take off sock with his other foot*
@murrman5 [to psychic gf] the spirits you talk to make fun of me don’t they
“no”
[she laughs for no reason]
AHHHH *punching the air* FIGHT ME SPIRITS
@OhNoSheTwitnt Imagine if Iron Man could do whatever an iron can. 🎶 Flattens shirts, with his heat. Gives your slacks a nifty pleat. 🎶
@jonnysun instead of using the same password everywhere, i use multiple different variations of the same password where i change one letter or add one number and so on. this is super secure and protects all my accounts from ever being able to get logged into by me
@JohnLyonTweets Maybe installing Freudian Autocorrect was not the breast idea.
@Jesssicle My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and I’m like “Get outta here boys! I didn’t get this chubby by sharing my milkshakes!”