Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
Cashier: That will be $82.07.
Me: I’d like to use my 8 trillion rewards points towards this.
Cashier: That will be $82.03.
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My mom accidentally killed my boyfriend this weekend. She didn’t recognize him when she was canning pickles.
Why a man would want a wife is a big mystery to some people.
Why a man would want two wives is a bigamystery.
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3 – DAD! HEY DAD!
Me: Don’t yell from the door son! Walk here and talk to me
3 – *walks over*
3 – I stepped in dog poop, what should I do?
Her: I have to urinate
M: Well, YOU’RE a 10!
H: Huh? No! You’re like a 5. I gotta pee.
im not a morning person. in the morning i am a goat