GENIE:3 wishes
ME:Can I wish for more?
G:No
M:I wish u couldn’t count
G:Done. How many do u have left?
M:A billion
G:
M:
G:That sounds right
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Me: *sprays him in the face with silly string*
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Everyone: Yes. GOD, YES!
Me: I hadn’t actually finished my question 🙁
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3yo:
Me: I said I love you.
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Me: okay. *unplugs nightlight*
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[dies, meets god]
explain Florida
merlin: whoever pulls the sword from the stone is the true king
arthur: oh, this sword?
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merlin: what?
arthur: [right in his face] and that shit better be a circle
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DID YOU FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE?!
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Friend: Sorry!! Didn’t know you had company
Me: I was washing floors
F: Oh…is that the new code?
Me: No…
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~ realistic wedding vows
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