If any of you have 3 hours to kill our youngest has a great story about how she picked her favorite color.
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KID:Dad what’s the difference between a gerbil and a rat
DAD WHO IS A MAFIA BOSS:A gerbil sleeps in a cage and a rat sleeps with the fishes
If pizza places cold called people’s homes and asked if they wanted to order a pizza, I guarantee you their business would triple.
“Is that your dog?”
“No, actually she’s adopted… we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves”
Husband said, “If you were really THAT funny you wouldn’t have to always say COME ON, THAT WAS FUNNY.”
So now I have a tombstone to select
Human: [doing homework]
Dog: why aren’t you eating that
I’ve already lost 72 ponytail holders this weekend
Ways to tell a woman’s mad at you:
1. She’s silent.
2. She’s yelling.
3. She acts the same.
4. She acts different.
5. She murdered you.
Sorry I’m late, I was watching ghost adventures and they heard a noise.
Sorry I got confused & grabbed your fist bump like a doorknob.