When life gives me lemons, I make lemon meringue pie..because lemonade is for amateurs…& because I’m gay..& we always take it up a notch.
I hope my tombstone reads: Matrixed 9 out of 10 bullets.
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Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
“You’ll never get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have.”
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
Some of these captcha tests are hard sha. Maybe I’m a robot?
There’s no such thing as “fair trade” honey. Those bees are gettin’ screwed.
You can wonder about other people’s motivations or you can hit yourself in the head with a hammer, and the end result is roughly the same.
inventor of shirts: sleeves are awesome
inventor of vests: disagree
inventor of turtlenecks: there should be three of them
Aoccdrnig to Ylae rseaerch, it deosn’t mtater waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is how mcuh mnoey you hvae
Dear guy sitting next to me at the bar wearing camouflage: I can still see you.