Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@GibJimson

You put the shhh in bullshhhit.

@SpacePlankton

*watches movie*

*sees a scene with full frontal male nudity*

*pauses for three months*

@ceejoyner

Keep yelling “dance!” and shooting at my feet, tough guy. I studied tap for 9 years and you’re going to look like an idiot.

@squirrel74wkgn

Me: I’m in charge of the shopping cart when my wife and I go to the grocery store

Cashier: …why are you telling me this?

@AngieDavisHaha

Have we established if Joe has a legitimate medical condition with this “cotton eye”?Are we dancing our asses off to diseases,like assholes?

@fro_vo

[god creating ants]
Anteater: finally

@1followernodad

I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.

@TheBoydP

“That’s close enough…”

~Government worker

@stephanidek

*swallows pride*

*gets aggressively escorted from the zoo*

@TheAlexNevil

Parenting Hack: slide a little cash your kid’s teacher’s way, & all of his crafts projects will “mysteriously” disappear after being graded.