@Darlainky

If you missed any of the most recent presidential debate, you can catch one side of it on any given Facebook friend’s page.

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@mommajessiec

A mom at my son’s baseball game was drinking beer in the stands and what kind of message is she sending to all these young impressionable kids by openly enjoying an adult beverage and not sharing with all the adults sitting by her

@OhNoSheTwitnt

I put my earbuds on just like everybody else. Frantically as someone approaches.

@maisondecris

sorry I’m late. I tripped on my cat and so had to kiss him for 45 minutes

@CArmanthegirl

A sleeve of Oreos each night will whiten your teeth. Everyone knows this

@EclecticHams

Fun Fact: There are only 4 actors in the entire United Kingdom at any one time and they take turns playing every role in every British TV show and movie. Here they currently are:

@Lovestained555

If you put healing crystals in a sock and beat someone with it do they cancel each other out?

@WhatsAGreenhorn

“Another job replaced by automation” I lament as a tornado seamlessly delivers a newspaper to every driveway on the block

@JohnLyonTweets

I just brushed my hair while wearing a fuzzy sweater and now I can make a streetlight come on by touching it.

@Birdhumms

Restless leg syndrome does not give you the right to swiftly kick people whenever you feel like it. I know that now.. 😆

@3sunzzz

How did you break your leg?

[flashes back to tripping over couch] I twisted it while pushing a toddler out of the way of an oncoming train.