If you let me, shear’s what I’ll do. I’ll take hair off ewe
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A dog made of diamonds would be everyone’s best friend.
My girlfriend told me I was getting sex today. Oops. I better not jinx it.
*knocks on morning wood*
<- sleeps well with others
I was really into the idea of Salsa dancing, until I learned there are no chips. Or salsa.
Dads have to rest their eyes in the living room cause they see all the injustice in the world.
A ninja turdle is when you poop really fast.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins. Merica.
Bears hibernate in the winter just to get away from Christmas music…