@PeterClayton6

Imagine the effort it took this dolphin to propose, then the woman he loves does this in front of him? Just awful.

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@WeirdHorse

If you let me, shear’s what I’ll do. I’ll take hair off ewe

@ozzyunc

A dog made of diamonds would be everyone’s best friend.

@TEXASVETERAN

My girlfriend told me I was getting sex today. Oops. I better not jinx it.

*knocks on morning wood*

@GrabTheWEness

I was really into the idea of Salsa dancing, until I learned there are no chips. Or salsa.

@callmeEvian

Dads have to rest their eyes in the living room cause they see all the injustice in the world.

@bullfrog_1979

Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!

@CloydRivers

We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins. Merica.

@STRIKINGxVIKING

FUN FACT:

Bears hibernate in the winter just to get away from Christmas music…