Imagine the effort it took this dolphin to propose, then the woman he loves does this in front of him? Just awful.

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If you let me, shear’s what I’ll do. I’ll take hair off ewe


A dog made of diamonds would be everyone’s best friend.


My girlfriend told me I was getting sex today. Oops. I better not jinx it.

*knocks on morning wood*


I was really into the idea of Salsa dancing, until I learned there are no chips. Or salsa.


Dads have to rest their eyes in the living room cause they see all the injustice in the world.


Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!


We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins. Merica.



Bears hibernate in the winter just to get away from Christmas music…