For those of you worried about AI, I think we’ve got a few more years before Skynet is an issue.
Life is short. Beat it up and steal its lunch money.
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I’m not going to make my daughter choose a religion, I’ll explain the differences & when the time comes she can choose either Marvel or DC.
When you’re in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think
“THEY’RE KILLING MY FAMILY, AND I’LL HAVE TO FIGHT THE ATTACKER NAKED”
I struggle against the ropes binding me, catching the scent of gas. “You’ll die too,” I say.
“9 lives,” my cat whispers, lighting a match.
I call my nephews “Dude” and “Homie” because I’m the cool Aunt! (I don’t know their names.)
You don’t know awkward and uneasy until you’ve seen the way I hold a cat.
Of course I believe you are God’s gift to women.
He gave us periods and painful childbirth. Why not you too?
Gonna hand out job applications to teenage trick-or-treaters who ring my doorbell.
My doctor’s office just called to confirm my Pap smear tomorrow. They told me I’m not allowed to bring any guests. So if I had previously invited you to this incredibly invasive procedure, unfortunately I have to uninvite you. Sorry.
Hey morons, when in doubt, just spell it “theiyr’re.”