I always wonder what the nurses reaction was like after I leave a half eaten sandwich in a coma patients hand.
My EX sent me a text today saying “Happy Anniversary” I replied, best one yet.
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Bad news: pulled a muscle. Good news: implied presence of muscle …
My girlfriend just explained to me that people can’t actually go through black holes, and now I don’t really care about space anymore.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her hands, for instance if they are firmly around your throat she is probably slightly upset.
In my dream I see us all standing together, throwing away differences and rallying for the abolition of mayo escape-holes in loaf bread.
Guns don’t avoid critical thinking by leaning on tired aphorisms. People do.
– Excerpt from “Fifty Shades of Yay!”
WW2 started from a game of telephone when Hitler said ” I hate shoes”
Always remember…. A mirror never lies.
I like my women like I like my eggshells: white and broken.