the sequel to “Up” should be called “Up 2: No Good” who do I tell this to
My EX sent me a text today saying “Happy Anniversary” I replied, best one yet.
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If you REALLY need to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
MARRIAGE PROTIP – Guys, if you have a picture of your junk on your phone, you better be sure your wife has a copy of it on hers. Good talk.
THE HOT FISH FROM NEMO???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE HOT FISH FROM NEMO?????
My nickname for my mother is Hannibal Lecture.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy’s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
*Involved in high speed chase*
*Uses turn signals*
Death metal fans are complaining abt all the noise. Irony.
Me: Shhhhh. Keep it quiet…I’ll slip out of bed and find you around 3:00 am.