@byrdie_num_num
@TechnicallyRon “Londoners need to be more afraid”
Nah, we’re British, we only panic about a light snow or finding out we’re out of milk.
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@TechnicallyRon 
@AsgardianRose Being an adult means I’m in charge of my own bedtime, and I’ve realized I’m not equipped to handle that responsibility.
@10InchesPlus *sees oven left on
“What moron left the oven on!?”
*tries repeatedly to turn it off
“WTF!? Stupid oven!”
*realizes 425 is the time
@shegotagronk Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
@SexySpainNights AMERICA:
Where someone will eventually figure out how to fry Vodka
@KimmyMonte me trying to fit into my pre pandemic jeans
@TheBoydP How many coworkers have to ask you “what’s that pee smell” before you admit you’re wearing a new cologne?
Is it four? Please say it’s four.
@gingerbrigade1 Groundhogs around the world are sitting around complaining about Phil and how ‘he doesn’t deserve the fame for doing what ANY groundhog can do!’
@DirtMcTurd [friend being eaten by a bear]
*screaming violently*
Me: Stay calm! Don’t move so much! I’m trying to take a picture for snapchat!
@AmishSuperModel See ya later, alligator.
After a while, crocodile.
Catch ya mañana, little iguana.