*Press Conference*
Physicist: We found gravitational waves near a black hole
Surfer: *raises hand* Wait dude, so can you carve on these bombs? Are they rippable
Physicist: Nah. Due to tidal forces near the event horizon these waves are extremely gnarly brah, like so aggro
“Please pre-register for your doctor appointment online, so we can ask you the same 57 questions when you get here.”
According to the stores .I should be in a Halloween costume, sitting under a Christmas tree eating turkey . I’m so confused.
My husband just came back from shopping all frisky and I know it’s not me, it’s Home Depot
I love watching a bird of prey in flight, soaring through the–nevermind its a trash bag everything sucks
Beware of the dog..
Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.
Whenever I lose my mind, I always look
for it in the refrigerator first
Have kids so you can start your day with questions like, “mom, why do people clean toilets?”
Twitter yesterday: We are outraged about the lion!
Twitter today: We are outraged about the outrage about the lion!
Is it “butt-naked” or “buck-naked?” I want this pool party invite to be perfect.
