Apparently introducing your puppet as your lover to people is frowned upon.
My most difficult parenting challenge to date is when my toddler shouted “oh my god, not again!” when my over talkative neighbour came to chat to us and I had to try not to laugh
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Kids look forward to recess.
Adults look forward to Reese’s.
Baby carrots were deprived from their mothers’ love and their childhood just to satisfy your hunger you vegetarian bastard. Good job.
Sometimes it’s not about missing someone, it’s about reloading and trying again.
If Frodo heads towards Mordor at 5 km/h and Aragorn heads towards Mordor at 7 km/h, how long until my friends come back?
I always draw track marks on my arms and cough a lot when visiting family so that no one asks me to hold their baby or help prepare food.
You: Going to a concert tonight!
Friend: Sweet, what concert?
Aunt: WHAT IS ITUNEZ?????? HOW IS YOUR DAD????? I LOVE YOU XOXOXO
Pretty majorly caught up in this whole Olympics thing.. ran up the stairs earlier.
why do i pat the top of my sandwich like great job now you must die.
Yes I run a porn site. It was an accident.