@Lottie_Poppie

My most difficult parenting challenge to date is when my toddler shouted “oh my god, not again!” when my over talkative neighbour came to chat to us and I had to try not to laugh

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@anerdonfire2

Apparently introducing your puppet as your lover to people is frowned upon.

@Mardigroan

Kids look forward to recess.
Adults look forward to Reese’s.

@Schroofles

Baby carrots were deprived from their mothers’ love and their childhood just to satisfy your hunger you vegetarian bastard. Good job.

@1Happytwit

Sometimes it’s not about missing someone, it’s about reloading and trying again.

@NickBossRoss

If Frodo heads towards Mordor at 5 km/h and Aragorn heads towards Mordor at 7 km/h, how long until my friends come back?

@Kennedydp5

I always draw track marks on my arms and cough a lot when visiting family so that no one asks me to hold their baby or help prepare food.

@

Facebook-

You: Going to a concert tonight!

Friend: Sweet, what concert?

Aunt: WHAT IS ITUNEZ?????? HOW IS YOUR DAD????? I LOVE YOU XOXOXO

@Robski_Boy

Pretty majorly caught up in this whole Olympics thing.. ran up the stairs earlier.

@RiotGrlErin

why do i pat the top of my sandwich like great job now you must die.