@mom_tho

nothing prepares you for when your sweet sensitive gentle eight year old son calls you “bruh” for the first time

You Might Also Like

@AngelaEhh

I’m sorry I stabbed all your tires, but in my defense you flirted with me and then said you were just kidding.

@RealPrincessKim

Not sure why bigots think gay sex is wrong, all, “Sex is for procreation!” I thought Ke$ha was proof that people can be conceived anally.

@shanethevein

When she says she prefers the strong, silent type she means her vibrator.

@tuckerflodman

Dad: I’m so hungry.

Me: Hi, so hungry I’m son!

*Dad turns head very slowly*

[camera cuts to Dad patting down pile of dirt with shovel]

@kiralc

a murder of crows, a troop of monkeys, a pod of dolphins, a herpe of Kardashians

@ThoughtOtter

*hears crying*
*finds baby in dumpster*
*sees large box full of N64 games*
*looks around*
“You didn’t see anything, baby.”
*takes box*

@mommajessiec

My daughter still doesn’t understand this math problem even though I’ve explained it in several different frustrated tones.

@ristolable

“DO NOT HIT ME. THE TURTLES DO NOT HIT SPLINTER. I AM SPLINTER TO YOU.” -real thing I just said to my son