nothing prepares you for when your sweet sensitive gentle eight year old son calls you “bruh” for the first time
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me: [waiting in line at the bank]
other bank robber: “keith just go to the front”
LOL!
My friend and I have a pact that if we’re not married by age 40, we’re going to fist bump and take shots for making good decisions
Of course I know about dates.
Each 100 gm of dates contains 75 gm of carbohydrate and 2.5 gm of protein.Much healthy.
feeling dizzy
highly recommended, many stars
This guy must be getting annoyed by now
Me: Will you marry me?
Her: No
Backing singers: She said no! she said no!
Me: Not now
The straw that broke the camel’s back was either an exceptionally large straw or that camel had some serious osteoporosis.
Was helping my daughter with an art project and got so mad because nothing would stick together. Well, funny story, as it turns out no matter how much Chapstick you rub on that paper it’s just never gonna work.
Wait, you didn’t let me finish. What I was trying to say is Hitler was largely misunderstood by people who don’t speak German.