@TheRealPalMal Isn’t anyone here that can fake a football convo like me:
“He’s showing signs of improving”
“He’s a beast”
“He just has to keep those interceptions low”
“It’s been a wild season”
“Yeah they’re so stacked”
“Yeah that offensive line”
Lol I don’t know shit about football.
@CandyEmpires Twitter: “Where people are openly Gay and secretly Republican”
@DrunkSocialite My dream is to become the first smart person to be interviewed by a newscaster live at a scene.
@ddsmidt I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.”
I’m like, look we had one night of drunken shopping, we are NOT in a relationship.
@JennyJohnsonHi5 My mom is downstairs with my husband asking him if his co-workers are “fun” and “cute”. He’s miserable and I’m crying laughing. #BadWife
@SadPeruna If da Vinci were alive today, the “Mona Lisa” would have been called “IMG-20121020-00463.jpg”
@navanax I think semi-colons have gotten a bad rap. They should be re-branded as super-commas.
@Arroia Body language tells us a lot about people. For example, my neighbor really doesn’t like to be held underwater for more than 2 minutes.
@ColoradoUgly My kids are mad at me because I never unwrap the cheese slices in their sandwiches
@deephora_ “Here, throw this away for me.” ~ People who hand out leaflets.
@DirtyMelodies