@RobDenBleyker

The poorest man can be rich if he gets a bunch of money.

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@cepheusjackson

SON: *first word* momma.

MOM: DID YOU HEAR THAT?

ME: *distracted by the faint song of an ice cream truck*
He never comes down our street.

@chuuew

[BOOK CLUB]
ME: So last weeks assignment was Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. What did everyone think?
STEVE:
PAUL:
JANE:
SARAH:
MARK:
DAVE:

@OnlyFastEddie

The closest I’ve ever come to winning anything was that time I got picked from a lineup at the station.

@thegrugq

I’ve now had my account locked and been forced to change my password so many times it is up to: password1234567

@beisswrandon

The best way to get your kid to play with 800 toys at once is to tell then you’re going to donate them to charity.

@

Anyone got any tips on how to conduct an exorcism, but like subtly?

@MichaelTrying

Yet another “No DMs” bio. All this civil rights progress but bigotry against Dungeon Masters is still tolerated.

@Mike_Bianchi

Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?