They should have a surrealist SAT, with questions like:
A train departs the South Pole at sunflower AM while a submarine swallows a cormorant’s wings. Where will they meet?
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I don’t sit crossed legged to be classy, I’m holding my tampon in
Impress your date by eating your mashed potatoes with both hands.
With a straight face, my neighbor asked me not to do yardwork when her boyfriend is outside.
So yes, I think they’re in a healthy relationship.
I can either cut my toe nails, or majestically swoop down and grab a salmon from a river.
nurse: height
me: 6’4”
nurse: weight
me:
nurse:
me:
nurse:
me:
nurse:
me: wait for what
Always a bit depressed when I pass my ex’s house and see that it still hasn’t burned to the ground.
Me: Is there something wrong with your pasta?
4-year-old: It’s not a doughnut.
Said the murderer.
Whoever created lasagna was totally a stoner
I want noodles
Okay
Now sauce
Cool
Now cheese
Got it
Now noodles
You said that
Now cheese
WTF!
i see a little silhouetto of a bug
IT’S A WASP IT’S A WASP
can we close the damn window