
NOBODY MOVE I JUST LOST A FOLLOWER AND HE IS PROBABLY ALONE AND FRIGHTENED
When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it’s like what am i, your maid
NOBODY MOVE I JUST LOST A FOLLOWER AND HE IS PROBABLY ALONE AND FRIGHTENED
*arouses suspicion*
Suspicion: I have a boyfriend. But c’mere.
Just gave this idiot a thumbs up for cutting me off, and I think I might not understand road rage.
Bruce Willis is watching Brokeback Mountain & shaking his head. “Silly Cowboy! Thats not a horse hahaha he’s trying to ride the man bwahaha”
Patient: I think my problem is imposter syndrome.
Me: [sweating] I assure you I’m a fully licensed psychologist. Or psychiatrist. Which is the one that prescribes meds?
878 dead bodies lay there.
Liam Nesson “Are we done?”
Police: “Sure, I don’t see any reason why we should arrest you.”
You know what bothers me? When people assume you’re homeless cause you’re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
The Katy Perry song that goes, “You’re hot and you’re cold,” was actually about a microwaveable burrito.
So my hinge date last night accidentally texted me this
In case you haven’t checked Facebook,
It’s hot today, the fireworks were beautiful, and 32 friends invited you to play candy crush!