@UnFitz

Who called it an organic buffet instead of a natural selection?

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@Cornjerker78

Gecko at McDonald’s crawl through:

I’ll have A Bug Mac, flies & a small snake.

@shanethevein

Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.

@SCBamaMan

I’ll be signing books at the library tomorrow from 2-4pm (or until that librarian calls the cops again). Come on out!

@ilovepie84

“So that pervert buys you “Grass” and then you let him play with your nipples?”

-Me telling Cows its not to late to change their life.

@imence2

9 out of 10 wives agree their husbands are always wrong and the other one just doesn’t wanna talk about it right now.

@NottaBigDeal

There is no bigger asshole than someone that takes an animal that can fly and puts it in a cage to stand on a stick.

@SchmuckOnAHorse

I wonder if those folks that wrote “Never change!” in my yearbook regret their choice of words.

@mrt1m

Most computer problems stem from the lack of a fatherboard.

No? Ok, I’ll show myself out.