Who called it an organic buffet instead of a natural selection?

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Gecko at McDonald’s crawl through:

I’ll have A Bug Mac, flies & a small snake.


Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.


I’ll be signing books at the library tomorrow from 2-4pm (or until that librarian calls the cops again). Come on out!


“So that pervert buys you “Grass” and then you let him play with your nipples?”

-Me telling Cows its not to late to change their life.


9 out of 10 wives agree their husbands are always wrong and the other one just doesn’t wanna talk about it right now.


There is no bigger asshole than someone that takes an animal that can fly and puts it in a cage to stand on a stick.


I wonder if those folks that wrote “Never change!” in my yearbook regret their choice of words.


Most computer problems stem from the lack of a fatherboard.

No? Ok, I’ll show myself out.