Clueless is my favorite movie about how rich people have real hard problems too
You Might Also Like
You’re not an “empath”.
You have “chronic heartburn”.
Apparently telling your spouse “we’re going down” as you wake them up from their nap as the plane is landing is not appreciated. Oops
Pretty cute that my husband wanted to role-play that I was his maid and then not break character for 14 years.
A Quiet Place was the WRONG movie to sneak kettle chips into.
When Squidward lost his job and had to stay with Spongebob and he tried to tell Spongebob the TV didn’t work n Spongebob said THAT’S TWO THINGS THAT DON’T WORK 😭😭😭😭
My mom is on a road trip to Amish Country with some of my aunts.
Please help me, she’s buying me and my wife gifts.
What do you hear?
My 4yo asserts dominance by aggressively putting snacks in my hand so she can take dance breaks
Late last night my drunk neighbor was banging on his front door for ten minutes. I finally got up and called out to him telling him he wasn’t home. So he left.
“u should stop drinking” u should stop talking
Sugar in the bloodstream, I’m the world’s problem now.
I reward people who go looking for dust in my house with the satisfaction of finding some.
My 5yo, asserting his independence on the last day of school by coming downstairs dressed in fleece pants on a 90 degree day. I’m sweating just looking at him.
“Great choice. California is known for its chickens.”
– me, trying to impress a date who ordered the California Chicken Salad
You’ve won this round supervisor, but accidentally leave your Ok Cupid profile open one more time and you’ll be a transgender time traveler.
[making out in a club]
her: wanna go to the bathroom?
me: no I’ve just been thanks
“Annie are you ok?”
-yep
“Are you ok?”
-dude, I just said yes
“Are you ok Annie?”
-THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS MICHAEL
Podiatrists don’t use metric.
They only deal with feet.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times
Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic
Today I looked in the mirror and didn’t like who was looking back at me.
It was my neighbour standing behind me. Like dude, why you in here?
Cleaning out the clutter in my house / garage, so if anyone is in need of a spouse that snores and kids that don’t listen, they’ll be out front.
Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.
marriage advice: if you ask “is that guy a double agent?” enough times your husband will hand you the remote.
What doesn’t kill you was only practicing.
Nurse: you’ve been in a coma for three months
Me: oh boy! I can’t wait to see Coldplay in concert
Nurse (standing 6 feet away): there’s something you should know
Me: what?
Nurse: Coldplay sucks
I removed Sean Connery’s limbs & replaced them with Daniel Craig’s arms & Pierce Brosnan’s legs. They formed an unlikely Bond.
I used to weigh eight pounds and could only get around if others carried me, but all it took was one frosted cake a year to change all that.
No, I can’t come to your wedding. I just realized the remote works through the blanket.
[at a fall festival]
Him: you look gourdgeous
Me: *roll my eyes and grab my keys to go*
Him: please don’t leaf
Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he’s allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock.