Do you have to go to the bathroom?
No
You sure?
Yes
How about now?
No
Now?
No
[movie begins]
Daddy?
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
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Me: *looking at huge boxed wine selection*
Him: Oh, it’s you.
My husband doesn鈥檛 think our family will eat a 5 pound bag of cheese and I鈥檝e never been so determined to prove him wrong.
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Me: Bed Bath & Beyond
Wife: You used a coupon right?
Me: Coupon?
*wife faints*
Latex inflatable trousers, don’t leave home without them.
#Harikrishnan #Menswear #LondonCollegeOfFashion
My neighbour鈥檚 toddler just told me I look 20 months old so that made my day.
When there鈥檚 food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.
the hardest part about boxing is not falling in love with your opponent when he hugs you
The best thing about winter in Canada is that all the Chupacabras migrate south for a year.
*Rubs lamp*
*Nothing happens*
Where’s the genie?
*Takes off lampshade*
What’s wrong with this thing?
Have a lovely day 馃槉
horse: [driving in a car past people in a field] PEOPLE!
My boss is coming to my grandad’s funeral tomorrow.
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Well Officer..we didn’t have a bottle so that dead guy over there..
“Him?”
No the other dead guy..suggested “Spin The .44”..And I WON!
My wife is mocking me because I declared that going to the grocery store was a date night
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