[Whole Foods]
ME: Hi
CLERK: Hello
ME: Do you…uh
CLERK: Do we what?
ME: Do you have any…uh
CLERK: Go on
ME: Do you have any Half Foods?
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Imagine kissing a frog and it turns into a Prince. Like, great, now I gotta go find another sexy frog
me: [struggling to take off a sports bra]
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[I die and appear in a mysterious place]
me: woah, is this heaven or hell?
guy: here’s a giant plate of linguine
me: must be heaven!
guy: you have to eat it without the twirl technique
me: aw hell
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*years of fried foods have made my stomach walls unbreakableMe: HAHA!
Alien: Laugh it up, now I have to go out the other way
Me:
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him: sorry, but—
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h: *sighs, pours*
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Therapist: And how does that make you—
Psychic: shower?
Therapist: No
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Therapist: No
Psychic: vomit?
Therapist: I think I see the problem
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