I’m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
You Might Also Like
The advantage of being an adult is that I can totally do whatever I want. Unless it interferes with my kids’ school or swim practice or homework or when they fight or when they’re hungry or tired.
[criminal trial]
PROSECUTOR: *gives eloquent, convincing closing argument as to why my client is guilty*
ME: *holds up poster of prosecutor’s entire argument in the spongebob meme format*
JURY: lmao, not guilty
A pregnant lady was in line in front of me and a stranger asked her what she was having and she said “idk prob the chicken tenders.” Legend.
SCROOGE: Oh great spirit…why are we at the Olive Garden?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks
She believed me when i said concentration camps were for people with Attention Deficit Disorder.
My first child will be named New Folder.
Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads
[first day at seminary]
PRIEST: today we’ll be discussing judeo christian practices
ME: when do we learn kicks and takedowns
PRIEST: *rubs bridge of nose*
I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.
Things I’ve learned in life
1. Never tickle a stranger at a bar or at the urinal.2….
That’s it. Just don’t tickle people you don’t know
One time I brought a friend perfume, and later we had a huge falling out. Yes, I was sad, but I also imagined her throwing out her gift and a raccoon finding it. And oddly enough a fancy raccoon wandering around San Francisco wearing YSL perfume makes a lot of things better.
*Involved in high speed chase*
*Uses turn signals*
i’m gonna make some couscous with garlic and olive oil. that’s right. couscous. the food so nice they named it twice
Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.
The Exorcist was probably the worst workout video ever.
My husband changed his brand of boxers for the first time in 35 years. I feel like I’m having an affair.
Smoking is tricky. it gets me out of bed, it gets me outside. It gets me talking to the boys. It lets me look a little cooler than i should. It satisfies my oral fixation and my desire to fidget. It gives me an excuse to get a little snack at the store. But it’s french,
Any time someone says “have you seen that YouTube video?”
I always say yes……… Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
Tried to pull up my sleeve and accidentally punched myself.
It’s okay, I’ve had it coming for some time now.
Okay, kids, listen carefully cause I’m only going to say this 175,276 more times.
Mammals for $500 Alex
“Slow moving mammals that spend most of their time sleeping & eating”
What are sloths?
“Wrong, What are coworkers”
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.
Most people think Johnson was the brains behind Johnson & Johnson. But they’re wrong. It was Johnson.
I’ve been trying to cancel a print job since November.
Batman: Why are you carrying a crystal ball and tarot cards?
Robin: You said I could be your psychic.
Batman: Sidekick. SIDEKICK.
Robin: Oh, that makes much more sense.
Why do I have to steal the Death Star plans?
Nothing this big stays secret.
Just Google them.
There’s probably a torrent somewhere.
Not in the turkey day spirit? Every time someone wishes you a Happy Thanksgiving just look them in the eye and say Gobble.
Divorce math is ending the year 10lbs heavier but 180lbs lighter
Really want to try out a career in tracing, or something along those lines.
The Mayan Calendar doesn’t really stop at 2012, they just ran out of sexy firefighters.