What do we want?!
A WRITER WHO CAN WRITE SHORTER PROTEST CHANTS FOR US THAT SUCCINCTLY ILLUSTRATE OUR DEMANDS!
When do we want it?!
NOW!
You Might Also Like
I gave up my aisle seat and took a middle seat so a mother and her son could sit together. It was ten minutes of feeling good about myself followed by three hours of hating a perfectly nice little boy.
Asked my dad and uncle why they weren’t chatting and my uncle goes “we’re done chatting for today” and my dad nods and they continue watching tv in silence
It’s like joking about bombs in the TSA security line. Is it protected speech? Yes. Is it a crime? No. Are you going to have a bad day? Yes.
I tried to let the wine breathe but it needed mouth to mouth.
So who’s the hero now?
We’ll just have to agree to disagree is my favorite way of saying “you’re an idiot but I’m tired”
In what room do you guys hang the portrait of yourself as a centaur? I was thinking kitchen. The bedroom is kinda cliche
I think the first person to see a pug was like wait why is that sweet potato snorting?
Why do people draw sunglasses on the sun? It’s like, dude, he’s the sun. They make sunglasses because of him.
I got IDd last night, but as I was rummaging around in my purse for my ID, the dude saw my checkbook and said “nevermind” 😭😒🤣 FIRST OF ALL
*survives trip to grocery store
*checks in as “safe” on Facebook
3 fought tooth and nail over not putting on pants under a dress this morning. I explained it was weather appropriate.
3: How about I put them on now and take them off at school?
She’s going to crush high school.
Pancakes are just waffles that
decided to go off the grid.
For a gentleman, Shakespeare really knew how to spread those thy’s.
just got my engagement photos
[6 month dentist visit]
Dentist: How often do you floss?
Me: Every 6 months
My insomnia has it’s own toothbrush in my bathroom.
[turns up radio in the car]
Me: I love this song. I want us to conceive our first child to it
Hitchhiker: dude just drop me off here
It’s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he’s getting hit by a train.
Siri, when does the restraining order expire?
Doctor: “I’m afraid-”
*Wife crying*
“I’m afraid your husband is in a better place now.”*cut to me on a roller coaster at Disneyland*
Me in a huff: you just said disrobe down to my socks. You didn’t say anything about staying in the exam room
“Notice the way he uses colors.”
“How??”
If I could make water into wine, I’d probably stumble out of a cave 3 days later too.
I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.
Day One, living in one of those tiny houses: “Well, isn’t this quaint?”
Day Two: Murder
Retired bakers have nothing to prove.
My ex left me for an attorney. It makes me smile every day to know he hasn’t won an arguement for 15 years.
Trains are great for when you need the names of towns screamed at you intermittently over a loud speaker
Guy who invented the clock: there will be 12 numbers on it
Friend: so the day will be divided into 12 segments?
Inventor: no, 24
Friend: so will the day start at 1
Inventor: the day will start at the 12, which is at night
Friend:
Inventor: the 6 means 30